Posts Tagged ‘energy drinks’


January 11, 2016


Awhile back, I walked into GNC. “What are you doing here? You don’t look like you work out,” the employees vapid stares seemed to indicate. “I NEED SOME ENERGY COMMA DAMMIT!” I shouted. They suggested a can of Bang. I cracked it open, it felt refreshing. The flavor was kind of rough. It tasted like the fear you feel inside, with a hint of lemon. It was a nice pick me up.

I decided to go look at some art. I was looking at a tree sculpture in a local “avant garde” “art gallery” when the rush hit. Everything sped up, hyper space. “I LOVE THE IDEA OF THIS TREE. THIS TREE IS CONCEPTUALLY EXCITING,” I announced to an empty art gallery. I started peaking hard. I was doing victory laps around the Crossroads. Instantly, I had been transported the the field of limitless possibilities. I felt like discount Macho Man Randy Savage, “THE MACHO MAN IS TAKING THE TITLE ON SUNDAY!!! I’M THE CREAM OF THE CROP!!! OHHHHHHH YEAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

What a thrilling/loud time to be alive. Bang makes you feel like your heart is being ripped out by that dude in the Temple of Doom. I smashed through the boundaries of time and space to new levels of beasting. Bang makes you feel like you are answering a question that was never asked. I can’t wait until SURGE gets wider distribution again, so I can drink something to calm down.


“KALI MA!!!!”

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