Neck Splinters and Woodpecker Attacks: The Wooden Tie Life.


Rocking the wooden tie with Larry the Cable Guy. #whitepeople #gitrdone

I am not a fashion guy at all, but I am a big supporter of wooden ties. In life, one should try and be funky in as many ways as possible. As you plow through a bland day, it can be fun to amp things up any way you can.

However, attempting to be fashion forward can have issues. The other day, I was walking down the street and got maliciously attacked by a woodpecker. Ugh, white people problems. Anytime it gets cloudy, I start getting paranoid about my tie warping.  I have to get up ever day at 5 am to coat my tie with Thompson’s deck sealer. I feel like a hungover Bob Vila. Awhile back, a colony of termites tried to burrow into my tie. I have the Orkin man on speed dial now.

Wooden ties seem to be gaining in popularity now. I rep a wooden tie for Wooden Tie Wednesday every week now. I’d like to think I was one of the first people to wear one. So many folks are biting my style! They are barking up the wrong tree.

However, it’s not all wooden tie problems all the time. It is nice having random people come up to me on the street and say, “Oh my god, it’s the wooden tie guy!” I’ve been called a lot worse downtown, it’s a nice change of pace.

Bradley Walsh is my wooden tie maker of choice. He sells his pieces at Eclectics. He’s out there, whittling away the hours to bring the wood to the people.

Through all the neck splinters and woodpecker smackdowns, life’s rough and smooth patches, it’s all about bringing the funk.



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